"Seeing" things a little differently
I was born in 1960 in the deep South on the Gulf Coast. The doctors informed my parents that I had a birth defect on my right eye called congenital coloboma. Even as a child you could tell there was something wrong. My right eye was bigger and some said it looked swollen all the time. The pupil was clouded and there was very little sight. Growing up was difficult to say the least. I have a wonderful family that supported me in every way but no one could know the humility and embarrassment I went through on a day-to-day basis.
At the young age of seven or eight, I didn’t look people in the eye, I knew if I made eye contact with them the first words out of their mouths were ” What happened to your eye “. It was as if I were wearing a scarlet letter on my face. You can’t hide a bad eye like a scar on your arm or leg. You couldn’t cover this up. Your eyes are the first thing you see in people. So, I had to deal with it, there was no choice. I became very shy and just wanted to be “normal” so badly.
As a teenager, there were no dates, too many demeaning comments and very few real friends. At some point, I had to really deal with my fate in life. I was near-sighted in my good eye and almost blind in my bad eye. I can’t even begin to tell you how many humiliating experiences I had suffered through. There came a point when I said, well, it can’t get much worse, I can’t go through life wishing myself away. So I started to live…..I did everything most other teenagers did, I became a cheerleader in high school, got my driver’s license (that’s another story in itself) and lived as if there were no tomorrow. Now, don’t misunderstand me, there were reminders on a daily basis that I was ” different from anyone else “. I was stared at in every store and in every situation.
My doctors had told my parents that it was a possibility that I may be blind one day. Now that does something to your psych and my thoughts in my head growing up were telling me to really see everything and burn the memories in my mind for future reference. If I were to become blind, I at least wanted my memories. So without even realizing it, I started to see this world as if it were the last time I would see it. A sunset, children, flowers, bugs, clouds, colors, animals……everything was so special to me at such a young age. I knew many years ago, that I wanted to write my story and share with others what so many of us are looking for……learning to live in the moment.
I’ve had a life full of ups and downs, got married and had two beautiful daughters, divorced after 21 years, made many mistakes and had some wonderful times. Owned a business, loved and lost. I’ve seen heartbreak and I’ve shed tears of joy. I have written my memoirs for my family and anyone who wants to hear my story.
I am now fifty-one years old and this past year has been my year of transformation. I met a wonderful surgeon that really understood me and wanted to help, after three surgeries, a beautiful artificial eye and a thirty pound weight loss, I feel as though I have broken free……I’m living as if there is no tomorrow. I have reclaimed my life and no one stares at me any longer…… I almost feel as though I am part of a human experiment, wondering if I can “adjust” to being what we call…..normal.
I help others now on a daily basis, I work for a day facility for mentally challenged adults with physical disabilities as well. There are so many sweet beautiful stories that I will tell of life, love, human nature and all the evilness that lurks in everyone’s shadows. I want to encourage others, we are all different, yet quite the same. If you the reader, needs support or encouragement, please follow my blog. I promise you, there are people on this earth that want the opportunity to help. continue to read, learn, meditate and feed your soul with this food.
you are loved…….
My beautiful Grand daughters……