New Visions

"Seeing" things a little differently

The customer affliction

tafn.org.uk

How often do you go shopping? 

We all have to purchase things that we need or want at some point.  If I could get by without ever having to go to another grocery store I would be ecstatic. 

Sometimes I enjoy going shopping if it means I am going to get new clothes, jewelry or makeup and that’s just a girl thing.  I know you guys enjoy purchasing sports equipment or new gadgets.  This is not what my post is about today.   I am going to discuss with you an affliction that I bet you had no idea that is happening nationwide.

Attention Wal-Mart, Target and General Superstore customers!

Symptoms:

If you experience any of the following symptoms when visiting these stores please read the entire article for some important information.

1. General excitement upon entering the store.

2. Checking to see if you brought your debit card or cash.

3. A general feeling that you have enough money to buy anything.

4. Walking around the entire square acre of products to make sure you didn’t forget anything.

5. A feeling of doom when you see the check out lines and you can’t get out of the store fast enough.

6. A horrific feeling of  “Oh My God did I just do this?” feeling when you see the total amount.

7. A tearing up of the eyes, almost like the onset of a good cry while you are paying.

8. Upon leaving the store you think to yourself, ” Well, I can always bring it back if I decide I can’t afford this.”

Diagnosis:

Upon entering the “said store”  there are little machines attached to the far corners of each wall that gently disperses a gas like substance that you cannot see or smell.   It will seep into the pores of your skin immediately giving you the feeling that all is well with the world and you are just going to purchase a “few things.”

This gas-like substance controls your mind and takes over all understanding of frugalness (Is that a word?)  The voices in your head are telling you that you need these products and you can definitely afford them.   After spending what feels like an eternity going from one side of the square acre of pure mind-altering customer experience,  you are finally ready to check out.  This in itself is a very harrowing experience because the gas like substance urges you to hurry up and get out of the store as quickly as possible so you don’t change your mind about what is in your flat wheeled buggy.

The lines are usually long and while you are waiting, the voices in your head are telling you…”you’ve waited this long, you might as well stay now and get the things you are dying to have.”

As you load your treasures onto the conveyor belt, you magically think, “Thank God! I’m finally going  to get out of here.”   As you get ready to pay, the cashier methodically totals your purchase, this is when you will experience bewilderment, disbelief and despair.

Don’t worry, this feeling will pass quickly, but be warned that it will appear again as soon as you drive up into your driveway and start bringing your purchases in.  (especially if you have a spouse waiting to hear how much you spent.)  

Once out of the “said store” the gas substance will fade and you will return to normal instantly.

Consumer advocates are actively working on a cure for this epidemic called coupons and dollar stores.  Updates will be given as new information on this affliction is recieved.

This has been a public announcement for your shopping enjoyment.

This post is dedicated to my brother Bill Howard,  he loves Wal-mart and Target so much!!!

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2 comments on “The customer affliction

  1. sherrylcook
    August 11, 2012

    lol YOU are one of the few honest ones to admit that….yes I have been overcome with shopping madness a time or two…. Wish I owned some stock in Wal mart or target!

  2. Margot Hamilton
    August 10, 2012

    This is hilarious and I have definitely experienced every feeling and thought you have listed! I’ve even gone to the point of waiting until my husband is away before hauling my treasures in. Immediately, I hide them in the closet and pull the tags off, saving those and the receipt in a secret place in case I begin to realize I’ve been totally out-of-control, (This doesn’t happen much) then bury the evidence in the trash or maybe even the garbage disposal. LOL This is definitely bi-polar behavior! MmmmHmmm

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This entry was posted on August 6, 2012 by in Thoughts and tagged , , , , , , , , , .
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