New Visions

"Seeing" things a little differently

I found my journal!

How quickly we forget

It began with wanting to clean out some old drawers and closets that I have put off doing for a long time.  The opportunity has arrived since my daughter’s wedding is over now and Jack is out-of-town on  business. It is time to tackle this project.

 

As I go through sorting the good, the bad and the ugly I run across some old notebooks. I flip through one of them unconsciously determining if it should be kept or thrown away.  One of these notebooks I soon realized is one of my old journals.   I’ve never been a big journal writer but during certain periods in my life I did get comfort from writing.

 

I randomly turned to a page and began reading my own writing. The date was eight years ago and as I read my thoughts and feelings about the things going on in my life during this time,  it dawned on me how much my life has changed since then.  I mean SERIOUSLY changed!   I currently write a lot about the changes I’ve been through (even though I am the same person on the inside) but what I was reading in my journal is heartbreaking.  I was living a sad life, a broken marriage, low self-esteem, issues and problems with children.  I didn’t even have a real home. It made me realize how deep of a hole I was actually in.  

As I sat there in the middle of piles of junk around me on the floor in my bedroom reading my thoughts from eight years ago.  A feeling of gratefulness came over me.  Grateful for my life as it is now, the changes I’ve gone through…emotionally and physically.  I feel like I have crawled out of the deep dark pit that I was stuck in for so long.  As I climbed…inch by inch towards the light above, I learned so many important lessons about self-love, independence, passions, happiness, simple abundance and much more. 

 

When I felt as though I had read enough about the turmoil I had been  going through, I instinctively tore the pages up and threw them in the junk pile.  That is my past, not my future.  I will never forget those times but I have moved on.  I am nearly finished with my memoirs so those memories are recorded.  I see no need in keeping these pages lying around, lurking at me from behind a wooden drawer.   My life is new, different and exciting now.  

 

I enjoy each day presently as if it is my last.  I look forward to a beautiful future. I know that I am strong, resilient and can endure life’s surprises.  I have enough confidence now that I can accomplish anything I set my mind to.   

 

I now feel a renewed sense of getting my book published and to continue pushing towards my dreams of following my passions full-time.  Thank you dear journal…for showing me this little lesson.   I’ve come a long way baby!!

 

 

Do any of you keep a journal?   Do you ever go back to read and feel surprised at what you hear yourself saying in the journals?    

 

 

 

 

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This entry was posted on October 9, 2012 by in Thoughts and tagged , , , , , , , , , .
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