"Seeing" things a little differently
It began with wanting to clean out some old drawers and closets that I have put off doing for a long time. The opportunity has arrived since my daughter’s wedding is over now and Jack is out-of-town on business. It is time to tackle this project.
As I go through sorting the good, the bad and the ugly I run across some old notebooks. I flip through one of them unconsciously determining if it should be kept or thrown away. One of these notebooks I soon realized is one of my old journals. I’ve never been a big journal writer but during certain periods in my life I did get comfort from writing.
I randomly turned to a page and began reading my own writing. The date was eight years ago and as I read my thoughts and feelings about the things going on in my life during this time, it dawned on me how much my life has changed since then. I mean SERIOUSLY changed! I currently write a lot about the changes I’ve been through (even though I am the same person on the inside) but what I was reading in my journal is heartbreaking. I was living a sad life, a broken marriage, low self-esteem, issues and problems with children. I didn’t even have a real home. It made me realize how deep of a hole I was actually in.
As I sat there in the middle of piles of junk around me on the floor in my bedroom reading my thoughts from eight years ago. A feeling of gratefulness came over me. Grateful for my life as it is now, the changes I’ve gone through…emotionally and physically. I feel like I have crawled out of the deep dark pit that I was stuck in for so long. As I climbed…inch by inch towards the light above, I learned so many important lessons about self-love, independence, passions, happiness, simple abundance and much more.
When I felt as though I had read enough about the turmoil I had been going through, I instinctively tore the pages up and threw them in the junk pile. That is my past, not my future. I will never forget those times but I have moved on. I am nearly finished with my memoirs so those memories are recorded. I see no need in keeping these pages lying around, lurking at me from behind a wooden drawer. My life is new, different and exciting now.
I enjoy each day presently as if it is my last. I look forward to a beautiful future. I know that I am strong, resilient and can endure life’s surprises. I have enough confidence now that I can accomplish anything I set my mind to.
I now feel a renewed sense of getting my book published and to continue pushing towards my dreams of following my passions full-time. Thank you dear journal…for showing me this little lesson. I’ve come a long way baby!!
Do any of you keep a journal? Do you ever go back to read and feel surprised at what you hear yourself saying in the journals?