"Seeing" things a little differently
“Love is a many splendored thing” as the song’s lyrics states, but is it really?
I grew up with the idea that love conquers all…that anything is possible as long as there is love. I thought marriages lasted forever. Is this just a notion of mine or a fairy-tale? Am I wearing rose-colored glasses peering at the world naively? I am beginning to think I am to gullible, wearing my heart on my sleeve.
My parents have been married almost sixty years and even though they have gone through some very difficult times, they stuck it out together, worked through it and made it happen. Now, in their senior years they are dependent on each other, still working it out together.
My mother read fairy-tales to me as a child, I remember learning to read as I flipped through the pages of Cinderella, Snow White or Sleeping Beauty and most of them ended with “happily ever after.”
photo credit, (depositphotos)
No wonder I grew up thinking love is the answer. I learned through these fairy-tales that my future husband would always be there for me, that no matter what happened we would work it out and I would always have someone to lean on if needed. As I grew up, got married and had my own family I relied heavily on this perception of mine. You can imagine my alarm when my marriage started to fail and it could not be fixed. It takes two to fix a marriage and when one party is not willing, life becomes a nightmare. After years of agonizing futile attempts to save the marriage, it ended.
My belief system ended, my trust in men came to a crashing halt and my self-confidence took a nose dive. I had issues to work through which took years and more disappointments to overcome. As the years rolled by I began to believe in myself again and I re-invented my perceptions (almost…)
I find myself now at fifty-two years old… single, empty-nester and very happy. My life has had many turns and twists that I never could have imagined, but I am at a very good place right now. I am smack in the middle of a wonderful relationship with a wonderful man but…are my childhood misconceptions getting in the way?
I still find myself desiring to have the security of a “till death do us part” partner. A relationship that means no matter what…. sickness, health, poverty, wealth, overweight, old and feeble…will still be there. Why is it that some have this kind of marriage and others do not? Why can’t two people who obviously love each other make the other a priority? Put their partners needs above their own? Is this society so much about the “me” factor that relationships are doomed to fail?
We all have skeletons in our closet, we all have issues to overcome so why can’t we do this for our partners? By writing this I am coming to a realization that it’s all about priority. It’s how badly you want to make it work. If your partner does not want the same thing as you in life (i.e. a lifelong relationship) there will always be cause for failure.
I wish I were a princess in a fairy-tale….with a happily ever after. But then again…that’s not the facts is it?
photo credit (tumblr)
Fairy-tale – You fall in love and live happily ever after
Fact – You fall in love and then things fall to pieces.
Fairy-tale – You see old couples still in love with each other after spending many years together.
Fact – They probably want to secretly kill each other.
So the question is….Is it all worth it?
I happen to be a hopeless romantic, I think it is…
What do you think? Are my perceptions clear or am I still looking through rose-colored glasses?