I will remember you…

It’s that moment in life when I hear information that will change me forever. Time stands still and suddenly nothing seems to matter but what was just told to me.

For example; when I hear the news that a loved one has passed away or maybe my significant other decided they didn’t want to be my “other” any longer.  First there is shock…adrenalin racing through my veins and my heart begins to beat faster. There is also the second where you are in denial.  I pathetically tell myself, No, he is not really meaning this…or this is a mistake.  Sadly to say, this only lasts a second.

You try to comfort yourself by thinking positive thoughts such as…it’s going to be ok, I can handle this, yet I feel a hole.  I have a hole in my heart because it is the end of something big.  I’m not ready for this to end, I have plans!  I learned a long time ago we can’t make people act the way we want them too and I am guarded enough at my ripe ole age to know people will say something one day and change their mind the next. I can remember the old saying, “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.”  or “never depend on anyone.”  The problem I have with this is…all I ever wanted is someone who loved me unconditionally.

 A person is, among all else, a material thing, easily torn and not easily mended.”
― Ian McEwan

So it is a new day, thoughts reeling in my head not making any sense at all.  I feel at a loss, not knowing a direction to run.  My last post was titled

How to grow a rock

It’s ironic that I called myself a rock, to depend on myself when things are tough.  I don’t feel much like a rock right now.

We learn through our experiences, relationships, challenges and successes.  Just one more challenge being blown my way. I’ll get through it, stronger and wiser.

Sherry L. Cook