"Seeing" things a little differently
The stars seem to be lining up in your favor. Things are finally going your way.
You’ve met someone who you just “click” with. Good times, lots of laughter, fun, late nights and wonderful meals together. Sharing your ambitions and past with one another. Making plans for the future. Sounds perfect doesn’t it?
On the outside, yes…it does seem perfect. You are the envy of all your friends, you are truly happy.
Sooner or later there will be some red flags. After all, no one is perfect. We all have flaws and problems. The issue here is how do we discern which red flags to look over and compromise on and which red flags do we get concerned about?
It’s up to you to decide for yourself. This is when using your intuition or gut instincts can help tremendously but many times we can be completely FOOLED.
Many people are very shallow and show narcissistic behaviors, these personality traits can show up as a fascination with themselves or vain. They only think of their own gratification and will show you love and support as long as they are getting what they have set out to get.
It can be just for fun and games, admiration from a partner or social integration. The narcissist needs something that you can give them and they will do or say anything to get it.
Another personality disorder that you should be aware of is psychopathic personalities. This disorder is mainly characterized as antisocial at times and the lack of ability to love or establish a meaningful relationship.
They do not view love as we do. They may say it and even show it, but that is because they have an ulterior motive to get what they want for themselves. This is why it is so easy for them to walk away from your relationship without a second thought and no remorse. They don’t feel the hurt of a broken heart because their heart was never into it.
When they have fulfilled their need for your companionship, admiration or if you are beginning to talk of commitment or serious issues, they feel the pressure from you needing something from them. This is when they start the change. Instead of caring enough about you to talk through what you are needing, they run to their next victim that can serve their needs. It’s much easier for them to start over than to address your needs. The relationship was about them…not you.
By this time the damage is done, you were 100 percent into this relationship and the bomb has been dropped on you. They leave you speechless, alone, wondering what has just happened and mad as hell.
You have become the latest victim of a narcissistic/psychopathic personality. In other words…the wrong person.
You probably felt this person is perfect for you…and you have so much fun. you never argue, you even love each other! Remember a psychopathic personality does not understand real love and what it takes to make it work.
Trust me when I say…you are not the only one who has been taken in by one of these characters. It takes time to heal from this person.
1. They are masters at deceiving and covering up their own shortcomings. They give you the attention and say what you want to hear to get you wrapped up into the relationship.
2. They don’t like to “talk” seriously about the relationship. They may say things like …”lets just enjoy today and not think about tomorrow.” or, “Lets just have fun and talk about us later.”
3. They always keep a part of themselves private …not letting you know everything. You may discover things about them that you never dreamed are possible.
4. They never fully let go of their past relationships, they enjoy the attention especially if their ex wants to get back with them.
5. They may have other relationships on the side while you know nothing about it.
6. They usually plan dates or trips with you to the events THEY want to do. They only do your events to make it seem as if they are pleasing you.
7. When they do get talked into doing something that you have planned and they are not very excited about it, they usually get a bad attitude during the event and become agitated or they may retreat and become quiet and distant.
8. They may have an addictive personality such as alcohol or drugs but hide it very good.
9. They crave your encouragement on whatever they feel insecure about. This can include their job, personality, appearance and decisions they have made. It is rare when they give you encouragement when you need it.
10. When they are questioned about serious matters concerning the relationship, commitment, actions etc. They are very quick to turn the conversation around and attempt to make you feel guilty for questioning. They may threaten to end the relationship immediately instead of having to discuss an important situation.
They control the relationship. It’s all about them in the long run and your needs are not a priority.
If you see any or all of these signs in your current relationship now, I would seriously take a long look at where you are headed. The heartbreak of an unexpected breakup can be tremendous without any closure.
Just remember it has nothing to do with you except that you were too blind to see it coming. Sometimes a good heart is not aware of what is happening. Whenever we trust we are stepping out on faith that our partner will not use it. It’s the chance we take. Know it is their selfishness and you surely do not want to live with that forever!
To the wrong person you will never have any real worth,
To the right person you will mean everything.
Sherry L. Cook